Ways to change your energy |Raising your emotional Temperature

I am seeing a lot of things at the moment about raising your energy, I believe it is something that is making itself known to me at the moment and so something I need to work on.

The other day I  wrote about Emotional Temperature.

Today I was reading a blog by David Wood and came across this video and blog

I thought this was so appropriate so just had to share it with you today.

I am seeing a lot of things at the moment about raising your energy, I believe it is something that is making itself known to me at the moment and so something I need to work on.

The other thing that came up in my thoughts today is,  I recently read is Brendon Burchard’s Life’s Golden Ticket,  and the question I am asking myself regularly is what are the images you are going to see on the Ferris wheel of memories.  Is it going to be the happy memories that are your highlights or is it going to be the negative things that have shaped your life?

 

Brendon Burchard

I am also working on Faster EFT,  as introduced to me recently by another friend and all of these things are about clearing your emotional negativity and as a result raising your emotional temperature.

A lot of this about re-framing some of the things that have effected us over the years.  So much happens to us each day and depending on where our references are creates what is happening to us all the time.  If you references are for bad things or disappointment then likely you will be a pessimist seeing the all the bad things in life.  You will be drawing what you focus on n your life to you and that will be the bad stuff.  If your memories are more of the happy times, and you base your life patterns around happy things then you will be more positive and more good things will be attracted to you.

I know that the more I focus on the positive and raise my energies the more good things come to me.

Just as an example this morning, I know it is not much but, I finally won a little bit on one of our lotto tickets.  The first win I have had in a while but gee it felt good.  I am focusing daily on gratitude and bringing positivity into my life.   And I seem to be getting a lot of calls from agencies again so hopefully even more is coming into my life.

So what are you doing to raise your energies?

What are you doing to bring the positive into your life?

Have a great day

 

 

 

 

 

My Story | Who is Leonie Henskie Part 5

In this blog I discuss the last few years of events that have been happening in my life and come to where we are today.
Today we discuss, deaths, Joy and sorrow and redundancies.

The next major event in our life was the Christchurch quakes. These affected many people in New Zealand and they affected me because my family lives down there.

Fortunately for my family no one was hurt but the city will never be the same again.  What effected my family most were the aftershocks.  And the ongoing mental and physical damage they did to people.

We, up in Wellington, have no real idea of what they went through. Even though we have always been the city forecast to have the quakes, so have always built above the rest of the country’s code.  When I used to ring my Grandmother, Nan would tell me that she could hear the quakes coming as my parents had got her a dresser where the handles rattled, so she could brace herself for the aftershocks.

April 2011 Brian finally gave up the struggle.  He was in hospital for Easter and I remember Betty told us he really held on until he could receive his Easter communion which was a couple of weeks after Easter because the hospital chaplain was so busy.  The day he received his communion he died that night.  We had been in the hospital earlier in the evening and had seen him then.  This time he had suffered a stroke on top of everything and that was making his limited breathing very hard and he had no concentration for reading which was his life. Betty got the call at about 9.30 that night that the orderlies had just been going to collect Brian to take him back to MAPU ward so he could go on the ventilator and when they got back he had passed.

Brian Photo

When we saw him laid out he was the most peaceful we had seen him for a long time.  He was no longer struggling.  Brian died when Alan had only been in a new role for a couple of weeks but Telecom were great and made sure he had the support he needed.

We went down to Christchurch for the Christmas of 2011 and I caught up with my family . The damage to Christchurch was heartrending.   Alan and I were staying in a motel in Riccarton and were able to walk around and see the damage that had happened.   So many of the landmarks I had grown up with were no longer there, or were damaged beyond repair.

In  2012 we were down in Christchurch again this time to say goodbye to my grandmother, the last surviving grandparent I had, while she was hospitalised for the last time.  I am glad we managed to get to see her one more time before she passed . I was not able to make it to her funeral so once again I did not grieve properly until a later time.

The other big thing that happened to us in 2012 was we met our friend Heni who has made a huge change to our lives.   I have spoken before about how Heni has changed our lives and also how we have changed hers so I will not go into detail here.  If you want to read more about this then read it here .

And one thing that was not so good in 2012 is our cat that we had had for 18 and a half years, and she was 4 and a half, when we got her, finally passed on.  Here is a photo of Spliffy. We knew she was old and getting ready to pass but she managed to hold on until the 15th of February and died in our arms.  She was cremated on the 18th of February which was my birthday.  She was a beautiful cat and a big part of our lives.

After Spliffy passed we got our deck done.  For us this was a major piece of work as we had been in the same property for 20 years and not really experienced any outdoor living space as the front lawn had been a bull nose.  That deck has made such a big difference to us.  Even today while it is raining heavily we have the deck door open so the cats can come in and out at will. Once the deck was complete we introduced Raspberry to our family.  It was the first time we had ever had a kitten so it was a big learning curve for us and watching her grow was amazing.  I have never really been a big photo taker but with Raspberry we have made sure we have had lots of videos and photos of her growing up.

Here is what she looked like when we first met her.

Raspberry 1

 

Things have gone reasonably smoothly since the end of 2012.

We got another cat in early 2014 exactly a year younger than Raspberry and he is called Coffee.

Alan and Coffee

I did a really good contract at Telecom/Spark at the end of 2013 which turned into a permanent role at the beginning of 2014 and life was looking pretty smooth.  Then things started happening around the office.  The first big change was the name change from Telecom to Spark. Then they started restructuring. Alan was in the thick of things and the strain was really showing, he had already survived two other cuts, so when in December 2014 Alan was made redundant he was jubilant.  To him it was an opportunity to start a business of his own and he would have at least 6 months of redundancy to get things going with. As usual I was a mess, crying all the time as I was coming to terms with the fact that for the first time in about 25 years I was going to be the only breadwinner until his company kicked in.

Over the Christmas break I immediately went into action starting to work on a plan B in case anything else happened as once Spark started re-structuring you knew it was going to be an ongoing process.  That is when I came across this business and started doing the training.  I loved what I saw so much and the company really  rang my bell as something I would love to be involved with, that I went all in as soon as I could.  To me it was the best decision I could have done as the training I have done with this company and work on self-development has helped so much this year.

The next thing that happened to us was Alan’s Grandmother passed in her 101st year.  If you want to read more about this I have written about it at the time last year.  You can read it here,  Once again my birthday is now associated with a different event as the funeral was on the 19th of February,  It was at Gran’s funeral that I finally said goodbye to Nan.  So many of the things the speakers were saying about Gran Henskie made me think of my Nan.  My girlfriend who also attended with us found it cathartic for her to finally say good bye to her grandmother and mother as well.

We knew it was coming so when it did it we were a lot more mentally prepared than in the past.  I was made redundant on the 14th August 2015.

Now we had two of us out of work.  Alan’s business was not yet making a sustainable income and neither was mine. And this time around getting a new position was harder than it had been in the past.

I continued to work my business every chance I got and was starting to get more interest all the time. However it could not pay the bills yet.  We thoroughly enjoyed the time we had together.  We were able to go swimming mid-week, spend relaxed time together and get an idea of what life will be like when we are leading the life we really want to.  Just in future there will not be the financial stress.

This year has been a year of learning.  I have met some amazing people online and in person.  I have done some amazing training setting me up for success and life.  I have prepared my mind for success and will continue to do so for the rest of my life.

Everything happens for a reason and just as we were about to fill out the papers seeking government assistance fate steps in the way and I manage to pick up temporary work.  This happens every time so I know no matter what we will be OK.  And the good news is that after a solid 4 months of looking Alan has a contract role starting the 11th of January so we are excited for this year.

This year has been a year of learning.  I have met some amazing people online and in person.  I have done some amazing training setting me up for success and life.  I have prepared my mind for success and will continue to do so for the rest of my life. We have learned to live life to fullest on a budget and I have even managed to help a Kenyan family over the year as well.

The teeshirt at the top of this blog I think says it all.  This was designed by my husband and he is going to re-launch that side soon.  If you do not suffer scrapes and bruises along the way you are not living life.  However you also need to learn from those scrapes and bruises so each time you fall down you can get up again.

I hope that going through my experiences like this has helped you understand a bit more about me. And shown ways I can help you to get through your challenges what ever they might be.  As you can see I have had to deal with grief, Redundancy and illnesses of various sorts over the years so I have a wealth of experience.

Have a great day.  And if you have missed the rest of the series they are available here:

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

If anything I have said resonates with you.  Leave a comment below, and catch up with me on FaceBook.  I would love to chat.

 

 

Millionaire Mind |Wealth Principles |Money Mastery part 3

Last post we talked about the way that programming and modelling have set our financial blueprints and shared an exercise in our to change this part of our blueprint.

Today we will talk about more gems I have got from the book ‘Secrets of the Millionaire Mind” by T Harv Eker.

Another way that our thoughts about money can be influenced is from specific incidents.

Millionaire Mind |Wealth Principles |Money Mastery

Last post we talked about the way that programming and modelling have set our financial blueprints and shared an exercise in our to change this part of our blueprint.

Today we will talk about more gems I have got from the book ‘Secrets of the Millionaire Mind” by T Harv Eker.

Another way that our thoughts about money can be influenced is from specific incidents.

Harv gives the example of Josey.  When she was eleven years old her parents were having yet another argument about money at a restaurant.  Her Dad was standing up thumping the table.  Next thing she knew he was tuning red then blue then falling to the floor.  Because Josey had learned CPR in swim team she administered CPR to him but he died in her arms.  So from that day forth Josey’s mind linked money to pain.  As an adult she got rid of all her money as soon as she earned it because she associated it with pain.  It was also interesting to note that she became a nurse.  After doing the course with Harv she has now given up nursing, she felt she was in the job for the wrong reason and is now doing financial planning one on one with people helping them to understand how their past programming runs every aspect of their life.

Another example he gives is his own wife was brought up with the belief that women did not have money because everytime she wanted something her mother would say “go and ask your father, he has all the money”  As a result as an adult anytime she was given money she would spend it all as she was programmed that women only had money for a specific purpose and that was to spend it.

The steps to change your financial blueprint as a result of specific incidents is:

  1. Awareness – Consider a specific emotional incident you experienced around money when you were young.
  2. Understanding – Write down how this incident may have affected your current financial life.
  3. Disassociation – Can you see why this way of being is only what you learned and isn’t you? Can you see you have a choice in the present moment to be different?
  4. Declaration – Put your hand on your heart and say ” I release my nonsupportive money experiences from the past and create a new and rich future” Touch your head and say “I have a millionaire mind

So from doing these exercises have you worked out what your financial blueprint is set for?  Are you conditioned to have a consistent income or a fluctuating income? Are you set to earn only a maximum amount e.g 75-100,000 a year or $250,000 + a year?

More importantly are you set to reach your full financial potential.  Some of you might be asking ‘why on earth would anyone need the millions a year?’ Firstly that question is not very supportive to your wealth and is a sure sign you’ll want to revise your money blueprint.  Secondly some people want to earn lots of money so they can help other people.  Be a huge donor to charities that matter to them.  For me that is the Wellington Free Ambulance and now my family in Kenya.  For my own father it was the Marrow transplant Unit in Christchurch and Diabetes research.

For the founder of my company it is helping to feed 100,000 children a day.

Another question is are you good at investing or saving? Some people can be an absolute Midas when it comes to attracting money however fail abysmally at successful investing.  Check your blueprint to see if it is a result of modelling or influence.

The best way to discover your blueprint is to look at your results.  Is money a struggle or does it come easily? Your blueprint is like a thermostat.  If the temperature in the room is 20 degrees, chances are good that the thermostat is set for 20 degrees.  If a window is opened or a door is opened the thermostat will always do its best to return the room to the 20 degrees.  The only way to permanently change the temperature in the room is to adjust the thermostat.  In the same way, the only way to change your level of financial success “permanently” is to reset your financial thermostat.

Here is the wealth principle from this discussion:

  • The only way to permanently change the temperature in the room is to reset the thermostat.  In the same way, the only way to change your level of financial success “permanently” is to reset your financial thermostat.

You can try anything and everything you want to.  Study, develop your knowledge in marketing, sales and negotiation but unless you have the inner toolbox big enough to create and accept large amounts of money all the study in the world will be useless.

If you like what you are reading and would like to know more please connect with me on Facebook.

Please comment below and share if you think this knowledge would help others.

If you want to join me in my journey to improving the world and lives of many please sign up to my email list and click any of the banners on this page.  I would love to have you join me.

Have a great day

 

 

Small Changes make big differences Part 4 – Centredness

Centredness as an ability to manage your inner mental life, moods, and emotions. People that display centredness are not insulated from failure but instead find the mental strength to pick themselves up when they get knocked down. Rather than struggle on under the weight of roiling emotions, they find ways to work through them and recover, and in doing so allow themselves to sustain high levels of motivation and performance even in the face of adversity and crushing defeats.

Small Changes make big differences – Centredness

Rob Yeung defines Centredness as an ability to manage your inner mental life, moods, and emotions.  People that display centredness are not insulated from failure but instead find the mental strength to pick themselves up when they get knocked down.  Rather than struggle on under the weight of roiling emotions, they find ways to work through them and recover, and in doing so allow themselves to sustain high levels of motivation and performance even in the face of adversity and crushing defeats.

Many of the exceptional people Rob Yeung has interviewed don’t even realise they possess the skill of Centredness.  Most people focus on the outward behaviours of what they do and say rather than the inward processes of how they think and feel. Because Centredness is an inner expertise, the workings of which are are invisible to onlookers, people who possess it can at times appear fairly unassuming.  They may appear reserved, quietly spoken, unadventurous, or even shy.  Their outward demeanour may reveal nothing of the steely mental toughness within.

Psychologists have known for decades that how centred we feel depends on the ratio of negative to positive thoughts we tell ourselves. The more negative messages we hear the worse we feel.  If we allow ourselves to dwell on fears, regrets, and worries, we feel down, less centred, less able to think clearly and get on with life.

For example, say you’re a manager looking to fill a vacancy.  All other things being equal, wouldn’t you rather hire someone who brushes off setbacks than the one who suffers  from more extended mood swings? or if you were a customer looking to buy an insurance policy, wouldn’t you rather deal with the cheery sales person than the one grumbling about whatever is bothering them?

The answer to both questions is yes.  And research tells us that happy, centred people are more likely to receive a second interview than their less happy peers.  Salespeople with a positive, centred disposition also sell more than their downbeat counterparts.

Even well centred people tell themselves off or worry occasionally. A good place to start becoming more centred is to watch what you think and what triggers your patterns of thinking.  Last year we did a course on life coaching and one of the key things that came out of that was the phrase “catch your thoughts”.  It was all about being very aware of what you were thinking and every-time you said something bad about yourself to change the thought to a positive one like next time I will do better.  We were encouraged to put the letters CYT up on mirrors and anywhere you see them to remind us to always catch our thoughts.

As a result of this I saw a dramatic change in my friend we were doing this course with so I have seen living proof that that we can improve our mental resilience.

Decades of psychological science and research into into psychotherapeutic techniques tell us we can help ourselves to feel less anxious, less unhappy. less angry, and more centred simply by choosing to change how we think.  This is despite our genetic tendencies, to depression.

One of the patterns that Rob Yeung has noticed in his research of exceptional people is they focus their thoughts strongly on the present, on what they are doing at any given moment. They do not let their minds wander back to past blunders.  They do not fret over what could or might transpire.  They focus intently on the present, not the past or the future.

There are a lot of teachings out there now on being present, in the moment.  They are teaching the ability to be mindful at school now and I have noticed myself when I am walking or doing a number of things that I am very mindful of my current world, noticing the beautiful sounds of nature, being more observant when on bus rides, getting more involved in what I am feeling right now.

Small changes make Big Differences – Centredness

We can all decide what we pay attention to.  When misgivings or worries pop into our heads, we could give them the full weight of our attention, replaying them over and over again and making predictions for how they will effect us in the future, or fret over what might happen the next time we have a critically important meeting or a big date the next day. The more helpful alternative though is to choose to let such thoughts pass and focus our attention instead on what we’re doing and what’s going on around us right now.

Our attention is like a spotlight that we can shine on whatever we like. Try directing your attention to your breathing, notice the inhales and exhales, then focus on the events going on around you.  Perhaps there are people nearby or you could home in on what’s going on outside your window, a splodge of dirt on a wall or anything else around you.

Have you found that in meetings you turn your attention inwards?  You allow your attention to drift away from what is being said and concentrate on your inner thoughts, the list of groceries you need to pick up on the way home or something funny someone said in the office today.  Or dwell on painful events from the past or something you are dreading in the future.

Mindfulness is the tendency to focus on what is going on around us in the present moment.  It means concentrating on that meeting, or conversation that is happening now not what is going on in our heads.

Research has found that people who are naturally more mindful tend to be more centred, more satisfied and successful.  Several studies show that being mindful helps us to stay centred when others around us are distressed.  Couples who are naturally mindful reported greater satisfaction with their relationships than less mindful couples.  Mindfulness has also been linked to better exam performance.  The good news is that we can train ourselves to be more mindful.  Modern mindfulness training is scientifically proven to deliver results.  Becoming mindful is essentially about training the spotlight of our attention to focus outwardly on our situations, what we’re doing and the people we are with rather than inwardly on your own thoughts.  Try to become more mindful in everyday situations and you will begin to see the benefits when you need it most.

When you are having a conversation, focus the spotlight of your attention on the other person or people  – avoid letting your attention stray to those internal thoughts.  When you are eating a meal focus on the tastes and textures of the food, really appreciate the food.  Concentrate on the activity you are doing,  driving, reading, sleeping or exercising.  When distracting or unhelpful thoughts pop into your head – and it happens to everyone – imagine they are clouds floating through the sky.  Use your imagination to zoom out from the scene and give yourself a bird’s eye view of the landscape below.  Just see those thoughts passing by in the distance.  Observe them but do not dig into them. Then bring your attention back to what you were doing.

Becoming more mindful takes practice.  Most people find that they can only manage it for a few minutes at a time to begin with.  No one can be mindful all the time. But with practice you will find that it helps stave off unwanted thoughts, and enjoy what you are doing, becoming more centred and productive.

Small changes make big Differences – Centredness

Sometimes if we just have too many thoughts in our heads that we can not quieten them we need to look at using another method. The FASTER technique is an example of what psychologists call a thought record.  It is a proven technique for combating negative thoughts and becoming more centred.

FASTER stands for Feelings, Actions, Situation, Thoughts, Evidence against negative beliefs and review feelings again.

  • Feelings – write down the emotions you’re feeling as a result of thoughts going through your head. Be as specific as you can with words like disappointed, tense.  Then give each emotion a rating from 1-10, based on how strongly you feel each one.
  • Actions – write down how these feelings are effecting your life, what are they making you do or putting you off doing?
  • Situation – Describe what triggered these unhelpful feelings, taking note of who you were with, what happened, did someone say something or did thoughts just start it all off?
  • Thoughts – capture all the unhelpful thoughts that are running through your head so you can help yourself to see through them.
  • Evidence against your negative beliefs – Now is the fun part.  Here is where you look at ways to re-frame your negative thoughts. Now imagine your best and most understanding friend is asking you these questions.
    • Is that really true?
    • What’s a better way of looking at that?

Look for the flaws in your negative thoughts, demolish them and help yourself escape from their grip.

  • Review Feelings again – now take a look at the feelings you wrote down in step 1.  Are they still as strong.  Hopefully by now the feelings describes in step 1 are now a lot less or completely changed.  You should now feel a lot less emotional and more centred.

We mustn’t repress our feelings, just make time to look at them properly work out what is causing them and then carry on with life.  Our feelings are messages from ourselves – an internal memo -with a warning or a meaning to impart.  If you are feeling sad it might mean that you need to surround yourself with friends and family for a while.  If you are angry it might mean you need to review the current situation and make changes to change it either speaking up about it or removing yourself from the situation.  Fear may tell us we need to do more preparation.

It has been proven scientifically that writing about, or recording our experiences on a tape enables us to regain our mental balance faster, than thinking about the bad experiences.  Health and everything improves once the experience is released on paper or tape.  It has also been found that reviewing the experience from a third person perspective is much more healing than re-immersing yourself in the negative experience again from 1st person.

Make sure you look back on situation with compassion – you would naturally express concern to a friend who had gone through a gruelling situation.  Make sure to express understanding and kindness to yourself as well.

Several studies have looked at the benefits of expressive writing.  Students who used the technique found that their grades improved.  Un-employed middle age engineers who wrote about the experience of being out of work found new jobs quicker than those who didn’t.  And in some studies, participants who used the technique also reported that they felt physically happier – they even paid fewer visits to their doctors.

The last technique that will help you feel more centred is physical exercise.  It really is true that a healthy body also means a healthy mind.  Research tells us that exercisers report greater levels of psychological wellbeing than non-exercisers.  Several research trials suggest that moderate exercise may be as effective as talking therapies and even certain drugs in the treatment of clinical depression.  It may be a particularly potent method for remaining centred because it both distracts us from our worries and floods our bodies with endorphins, our natural feel-good hormones.

When we stop  to take stock of how we spend our time, we usually know when we are living our lives in ways that help us to stay centred. To help you stay in peal psychological condition and allow you to perform consistently at your best, are there any activities you should be doing less?

If you have enjoyed this blog you may like to check out the other blogs in this series.

Small changes make big differences  – Awe

Small changes make big differences Part 2 – Cherishing

and  Small changes make big differences Part 3 – Authenticity

The next one will be on the fifth trait of high achieving people – Connectivity.

Please leave comments below I would love to know what you are getting out of these posts and if these posts are helping you in your job search, current career, business or life generally.

Have a great day

 

Please note that this blog includes excerpts from the book The Extra One Percent - how small changes can make big differences by Rob Yeung.  I acknowledge that this book is used of the source of most of the information.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Small changes make a big difference Part 2 – Cherishing

In the past the skill of cherishing was called ‘people skills’, now it is called ’emotional intelligence’ in most organisations and it has even been called ‘social-emotional agility’. Whatever label is attached, the need for cherishing is only growing. In the past we used to work locally, only dealing with the people around us in the workplace, most of which were the same socio-economic group as us, and as a result we knew how to think and influence them.

Small Changes make a big difference – Cherishing

The last blog post was about the first trait that successful people need of Awe.  Today I am going to talk about Cherishing which is the second trait of successful people.

Rob Yeung says that Cherishing is a flair for rapport building, for building relationships with other people.  High achievers are usually great at listening to others, considering their perspectives and empathising with them; they are respectful of the differences between people and seek emotional connections or personal bonds rather than just making demands for what they want.

In the past the skill of cherishing was called ‘people skills’, now it is called ’emotional intelligence’ in most organisations and it has even been called ‘social-emotional agility’.  Whatever label is attached, the need for cherishing is only growing.  In the past we used to work locally, only dealing with the people around us in the workplace, most of which were the same socio-economic group as us, and as a result we knew how to think and influence them.

Nowadays with globalisation and internet working etc the most talented and ambitious people are increasingly crossing geographic and cultural boundaries in search of the best opportunities we find ourselves living and working in ever diverse communities.  We can’t expect that a 20 year old Russian student, 73 year old Scottish Grandmother or a 55 year old Indian entrepreneur will think the same way as we do when we work with them or live with them.  If we want them to influence them, get them to buy from us or simply live in harmony, we cannot take for granted many of the social conventions and rules we’re used to.

One of the experiments Rob Yeung talks about is the Puzzle of the ball in the box.

Imagine that you are asked to look after a young couple’s children, and once you are agree you are told please strip all the furniture out of the room that the children will be playing in and leave only a cardboard box, a plastic bucket and a rubber ball.

Moments later the children, we will call them Amy and Billy rush into play with the ball passing it backwards and forwards and kicking it around.  After a few minutes, Amy says she is thirsty.  You tell her you poured them both some lemonade in the kitchen.  Billy says he does not want any at the moment, so Amy puts the ball in the box before running off to the kitchen to get a drink.  While she is out in the kitchen Billy takes the ball and drops it in the bucket before his sister gets back.

So here is a question for you: when Amy returns from the kitchen, where will she look for the ball? Clearly it is not a big question for you.  But consider instead if you were to ask Billy; ‘Where do you think Amy will look for the ball?’ What would he tell you?

It is a bit of a trick question. The answer depends on Billy’s age.

Most three year olds can’t distinguish between what they know and what other people know.  So a three year old Billy, knowing that the ball is in the bucket, would guess wrongly and say that Amy would look int the bucket too.  He never considers that what he knows and what other people know could be different.

However by the age of four or five most children begin to grasp that other people can have different thoughts and beliefs.  So a five year old Billy would probably answer that Amy would look for the ball in the box where she had originally left it.  Older and wiser he is able to separate what he knows from Amy’s lack of knowledge, her false belief about the ball’s location.

The ability to understand that other people can have knowledge that differs from our own has been ‘dubbed’ a ‘Theory of Mind’ by psychologists – it is considered a theory in as much that the concept of the mind isn’t something that we can observe directly.  We can’t see other people’s minds, touch them, or examine them until we are satisfied that other people definitely have them.

Growing up as children we gradually became aware that we had thoughts, feelings and knowledge that other people didn’t always know about. Then, by watching the behaviour of the people around us, we came to realise that other people must have thoughts, feelings and knowledge – in other words minds – like us too.

As grown ups, we possess the mental capacity to take another person’s perspective and consider their thoughts and feelings.  So surely we wouldn’t make the same mistakes as children, right?

Wrong.

There is such a thing as the curse of knowledge and experiment that has been done to show this is:

This experiment is set up as a two person game.

A 4 by 4 array of pigeonholes is set up as below but with physical items instead of symbols.  Note there are two black spades and that five of the boxes have backs on them.

 ϒ  ∏
 ♠  ò  ∑
 ⊂  ♠
 Δ

The researcher sits one person on the front of the pigeonhole set up so they can see everything and the other person is blindfolded before they walk into the room and set up behind the pigeonholes so they can not see everything.

The person behind the pigeonholes is made to give instructions to the person in front of the pigeon holes on how to move the objects around the grid. Sounds straight forward enough and so the experiment begins.

The person behind, we will call her Lisa says to the person in front, we will say you move the triangle one space to my left.  Remembering that her left is your right, you move the triangle one space to your right.

Move the Y one space to my left. easy enough. you move the object represented by Y.

Now move the black spade up one space.

Which black spade? There are two. But then you recall that Lisa was blindfolded and cannot know about the second black spade, and the realisation hits you. You have figured out the twist in the experiment. The researcher wants to test whether you will reach for the black spade that both you and Lisa can see or the one that only you can see.

When researcher Boaz Keysar at the University of Chicago used an almost identical version of the test, he found that 30% of the participants attempted to move the wrong item.  When he repeated it three more times he found that 71%of the participants reached for the incorrect item at least once.  In other words, more than two in three people forgot that they had information that differed from that of their experimental partners.

The stronger our views and opinions, the less likely we are to put ourselves into the shoes of other people. The more we know or the more strongly we believe , the harder we find it to consider the perspectives of other people.  For instance most law-abiding citizens can’t imagine why a gang would vandalise a communal park or why adults can’t conceive why kids want to dress themselves in such ridiculous fashions.

Another aspect of Cherishing is being able to think about other people’s thoughts or perspective taking.  This is the ability to take the perspective of the person you are negotiating with, trying to understand what they are thinking and what their interests and purposes are in this negotiation.

An experiment which showed this in action was done with a group of MBA students.  The students were divided into pairs.  One person took the role of an employer looking to hire a candidate but wanting to broker the best deal for the organisation and the other person assumed the role of the candidate, wanting to get the best salary and benefit package.

Two minutes prior to beginning the negotiation exercise participants acting as the employer were split into three groups, an empathy group, where employers were told to imagine what it would feel like to be in the situation of the candidate, a perspective taking group, where employers were told to focus on what the candidate would be thinking about and a control group that were given no further instructions.

The key difference between the sets of instructions was subtle but the effects were not.  In the control group only 12% of the pairs achieved the best possible win-win outcomes.  The Empathy group 22% achieved win-win outcomes and in the perspective group 40% achieved win-win outcomes.

From this we can conclude that empathy has benefits when dealing with others but hands down the best approach is to think like the person on the other side of the negotiation.

Putting ourselves in the shoes of other people can help us to build rapport and understanding, but to cement those bonds we need to accept that more than one point of view isn’t just possible but likely.  When dealing with other people, we can enrich a discussion by exploring how opposing perspectives can be united rather than fought over.

We must learn to accept that, whatever our views and those of the people around us, we may all be right – even when those views seem to clash. The point: even though we may talk about understanding other people’s perspectives, we often fall into the trap of only engaging with those views in a fairly shallow way.  We may be looking for flaws in their arguments to prove us right and them wrong.  However that is not the approach that exceptional people take.  They look for ways in which we can all be right.

An example of this is approaching an employee who seems to be late for all internal meetings with the question ‘Penny, you and I seem to have different priorities when it comes to internal meetings – can we talk about it please?.’  Raising the issue from the third perspective is always the least threatening, most productive way to kick off any such conversation.

The best way to understand someone’s perspective is to listen to them. listening is not just a case of asking people questions and expecting them to share their innermost thoughts and feelings, their motivations and desires.  We need to make people feel comfortable that we are not going to judge them and try immediately to change their minds.  We can’t jump in to interrupt no matter how wrong we feel they are.  To gain true insight, we must be patient and give people a totally safe environment in which to speak.

To conclude Cherishing is a flair for building rapport and relationships with other people by understanding their perspectives, their thoughts and feelings.

We all have the ability to cherish other people, it is just that we may forget to turn it on. Consider the small changes you could make to have a big impact on your relationships.

Small changes make a big difference – Cherishing

Consider the small changes you could make to have a big impact on your relationships:

  • Being able to see the world from the perspective of other people, to listen to them and understand them, is a vital human skill.  Find ways to remind yourself of the need to understand both the thoughts and feelings of other people
  • Be constantly on the lookout for the ‘Curse of Knowledge’. The more we know, the harder we find it to put ourselves into the shoes of other people, which becomes an interesting challenge for experts or people in senior roles or positions of authority.
  • Research shows that even a quick reminder to consider others’ thoughts can have huge benefits in our interactions with them. Find a way that works for you and make sure you ‘Switch on”  your ‘Theory of mind’ ability.
  • Exceptional People accept that different people can have opposing views yet still be ‘right’.  Focus on both/and thinking rather than an either /or choice.  Look for ways to combine your viewpoints with those of others.

If you like what you are reading here please feel free to share.  Please comment below and leave me comments about ways you can cherish people.

If you are looking for support in teaching you how to cherish, respect and grow your businesses then then click any of the banners on this page and look at what I am doing.  And leave your email below so we can communicate.

Have a great day

Please note this blog contains excerpts from the book I am talking about here "The Extra One Percent - how small changes make exceptional people" by Rob Yeung.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Small Changes can make a big difference

Rob has been asked to investigate companies and find out what the star performers are doing differently to the mediocre performers and this book is all about his findings and also a lot of scientific experiments that have been done to work out what makes exceptional people.

Small Changes can make a big difference

Hi all

I am reading a wonderful new book called “the Extra one Per Cent – how small changes make exceptional people” by Rob Yeung. The information I am getting from it is really interesting. Rob has been asked to investigate companies and find out what the star performers are doing differently to the mediocre performers and this book is all about his findings and also a lot of scientific experiments that have been done to work out what makes exceptional people.

One of the first discoveries Rob talks about is during World War 2 when the USAAF was trying to get the right people trained for flying. He talks about a civilian psychologist called John C Flanagan.

Flanagan was charged with trying to investigate in depth why certain trainee pilots made the grade while others fell short. After asking general questions and getting vague answers he changed his tactics and stopped asking general opinions as to why missions succeeded or failed but instead urged the pilots and instructors to talk about specific episodes of triumph or failure in forensic detail with a particular focus on what they did, what they said and what they were thinking at the time. Over time he and his team interviewed tens of thousands of personnel, asking them to describe specific instances in which they succeeded or failed so and as a result his research enabled the USAAF to make better recruitment decisions turning away more candidates that were unlikely to make it through pilot training.

The next example is one where Rob was called into an IT organisation to help work out the difference between the top salesmen and the mediocre salespeople. After interviewing enough people at the technology firm he analysed their stories to understand the trivial differences in behaviour that distinguished high achievers from their less prosperous counterparts. Top key account managers tended to spend more time engaging in social chit chat and building rapport before getting down to business, they were more likely to pick up a phone that send an email, and they tried to influence customers in indirect as well as direct methods.

What Rob has found through all his research is essentially there are 8 traits or behaviours that successful people possess.

Here is the list:

  • Awe
  • Cherishing
  • Authenticity
  • Centredness
  • Connecting
  • Daring
  • Citizenship
  • Visioning

Over the next few blog posts I will go into detail on each of these traits or behaviours as I continue to read the book and find out more of each of these traits.

The trait I am going to work on today is Awe.

The simple description of Awe that is in the book is “Exceptional people aren’t just born more creative – they fuel their imaginations by actively pursuing new experiences and consciously staying open-minded about or ‘in awe’ of, new possibilities. Rather than assuming they know enough about their field or industry, they remain curious and realise that there is always more to learn and consider”

How often do you take the time to look around yourself, to notice the birds in the morning chorus, to take time to read books that feed your mind? Through the 90 day bootcamp I have been encouraged to read daily and have read some of the most amazing books, have started videoing and as a result I am taking time to listen to the world, looking at the amazing nature around me when I am walking to do things like walking to catch the bus. Looking at amazing sunsets and taking note of things all the time.

Rob talks about experiments that were done on observation. The researchers gave the students a task, to count the number of times the ball was passed between members of the team in white. Immediately after watching the film the students were asked to write down how many passes they’d counted. The researchers then asked, ‘did you see anyone else besides the six players appear on the video?’ and ‘did you see a gorilla walk across the screen?’ More than half the participants were puzzled. What gorilla? They hadn’t seen any gorilla.

Another experiment is where another experiment team got people to count the number of photographs in a newspaper. After several pages, there was a half page advert with the words: ‘Stop Counting. There are 43 photographs in this newspaper.’ But most people kept on turning the pages, too engrossed in counting photos to see the answer. A few pages later, another bigger advert proclaimed: ‘Stop counting. Tell the experimenter you’ve seen this and win 150 pounds.’ Again most people didn’t notice it. Oblivious to the cash prize, they diligently carried on with the task despite the answer being literally spelt out in black and white. Only a handful of people spotted the adverts, usually laughing and asking to claim their winnings.

These are powerful experiments showing how the mind is concentrating and really does not take notice of anything outside of our given task. It just shows how narrowly our minds can sometimes work.

Here is another example. Rob asked a group of people if they have time for him to tell them a story, a few of them checked their watches and gave the go-ahead. The next question he asked was what is the time? Despite having just looked at their watches, they were not looking to tell the time. They were looking to see if they had enough time to listen to a story before the end of session.

These examples highlight a phenomenon that psychologists call ‘inattentional blindness’. When we look for one thing, we may fail to notice others. Focusing our attention too intently on any particular goal or direction may blind us to other opportunities.

Do you get focused on doing a task at work, so much so that nothing will interrupt you? The problem with this is that you might not consider whether you can do away with the task entirely.

Selling one product to customers we might not actually see that the world has moved on and people are not interested in that product any longer. If we get too fixed on a specific goal. Get too fixed on a specific goal we may not spot those other openings. Be careful not to have so much focus that you are not able to see other ideas and opportunities.

A good example of this is a creative team that was so busy collecting images from art galleries etc and failed to notice that online companies were selling digital photography at a fraction of the price. As a result this creative team started losing lots of business.

Creativity is defined by Rob as the act of coming up with the act of coming up with ideas that allow us to make a difference to our lives and those of the people around us. We all need it. Creativity allows engineers to build new machines, office workers to devise quicker ways of working, and parents to find new ways of entertaining their children.

Small changes can make a big difference

Rob’s research shows that high achievers take an active decision to stop what they are doing occasionally to ask if there might be an entirely better way of doing it. And we can learn from them. We need to make time to absorb new ideas, to think, to question, speculate and ultimately produce new insights and breakthroughs.

So take out some time in your busy lives to smell the roses, look around you and appreciate life and just think.

What small changes can you make that will make a big difference? One small change you can make that will make a big difference  is to listen to powerful information daily, to read powerful books and of course take time out to look at things from different perspectives.

I have found writing these blogs, doing videos and reading has already made a major difference to me and my confidence.  I am working with an amazing mastermind of people that have had so many breakthroughs over this 90 day boot camp that I am forever in Awe of the achievements.

Sit down at the end of each day and work out what you have achieved and you will be forever amazed at what you can tick off your list.

So what small changes are you going to make to become an exceptional person?

Check out the banners below, leave your email address and together we can work on making small changes to make us into exceptional people.

Have a great day.

 

 

Source material for this blog has been "The Extra one percent- how small changes can make big differences" by Rob Yeung

Preparation | Are you prepared?

Are you Prepared?

I was trying to think about what to write in a blog today and I thought what am I doing right now?

I am waiting in anticipation/trepidation or whatever you want to call it for a restructure pack to come out. We have been prepared by our manager to expect major change in the organisation. That we will see major changes to the way we work and are aligned and also that there will be numbers which are a lot lower than we currently have in workforce.

We were told it would be out about 4:00 o’clock however it is now 5:21pm. This is a common trait of this particular manager, I know because my husband went through it several times before me.

This is the same sort of thing that happens when the media has built up a big storm and everyone is prepared and waiting to see what happens. You sit there anticipating a great big damaging storm.

You have been prepared to face damage and so when the storm passes with minor damage then it is just a relief.

Are you prepared if something happens to your family? Could you cope if a loved one was admitted to hospital suddenly? Or if you lost your job in yet another re-structure? Change is just a part of life these days and we have to be prepared to face anything.

One of the ways I am preparing myself mentally to cope with whatever is thrown my way is by listening to audios, associating with really positive people, diversifying our family income sources and knowing within myself that I can if need be get a job anywhere.

What are you doing to prepare yourself for change?

Do you remember being in scouts or guides by any chance and the scout motto of be prepared?

We were taught from a young age to prepare ourselves physically and mostly mentally for any situation but how many of us have carried it through to adult life?

Are you in a financial situation where if something unexpected comes up you can cope until you get back on your feet again?

Are you diversifying your income by building up a business of your own that you can do anywhere so long as you have an internet connection?

If disaster strikes you and your loved ones could you create another income, or spend time with a loved one without thinking about it?

I can’t yet but I am working on it. Over the last few blogs I have been talking about the tee-shirt company my husband has started and his other income stream of business coaching.

I am doing blogging and internet marketing to diversify my income so that I have a plan B which can become my plan A if and when needed. My goal is to build my Plan B up so it can replace my Plan A and give me time freedom and financial freedom.

If you would like to work on ways to diversify your income, write about your passion, or just love learning then check out the banners on this page and join me in this quest to make the world a better place by sharing our love and advice and helping others to succeed.

Are you prepared?

One of my international friends is going through a really hard time at the moment.  In the last few weeks his mother has had to go into hospital to get a cancer operation and this morning he told me that his oldest daughter is in hospital with Malaria.  He has told me she needs blood, the same type as his and the hospital has some if he pays for it however right now he is struggling to pay his bus fare to get home to see his daughter. Are you prepared if anything like this happened to you? Take the step now and start creating your new life by making sure you are prepared.

Click any of the banners on this page and let us prepare our minds and lives for whatever comes our way.

Image courtesy of Scoutlander.com